I hate my life so much, I have never had a stable relationship last over 6 months, they just all fall apart... I take blame for apart of it, but my issues and errors only stem from their fault...

I tried to get back with my girl... I still want to, but she's already lied to me again. It's like really? We've gone through this so much, why do you have to habitually continue lying to my face.

It's not my fault I cannot trust her one single bit. Considering she cheated on the "love of her life" of almost a few years with me. I didn't even know she was with this guy until I just kept getting weird actions and such from her I had to dig around for a couple months. Finally after tons of arguing and lots of lying to my face she caved in and told me everything.

I thought everything would be fine after that, but it's hard to trust someone who has cheated on someone, especially on someone that supposedly meant so much.

To top it off, she has so many guys that really like her, she says she shuts them down, but I don't believe it one bit as I have my proof.

Last night she was supposed to hang out with my friends and me for NYE and instead she went and hung out with her other group of guy friends for most of the day. Also mentioning she got off work around 10pm when her car wasn't at her work all day...

She comes over a few minutes past midnight and gets drunk with us. Tells us how she has work tomorrow (today) as well. Said she got off of work at 5pm.

However, she texted me a few times today and I know for a fact that she RARELY texts at work... I had to dig up answers. I drove to her workplace, not there, drove past her house, not there. I decided to check every other store chain that she sometimes gets transferred to for the day... Not there. One last pass made at her main workplace at 4:15 and for sure she wasn't there...

I can't handle this. I'm caving into an enormous pit of depression because I love her so freakin' much, but she keeps doing this to me. I can't find motivation or a single reason to just move on. I've pretty much given up, but I don't want to accept it. I don't want to say i'd rather be with her and just let her walk all over me and lie and lie and lie everyday.

I just can't find myself living without her... God, I love her so dang much. So much in common and so beautiful. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I really don't...