Sunday, January 1, 2012

I hate my life so much, I have never had a stable relationship last over 6 months, they just all fall apart... I take blame for apart of it, but my issues and errors only stem from their fault...

I tried to get back with my girl... I still want to, but she's already lied to me again. It's like really? We've gone through this so much, why do you have to habitually continue lying to my face.

It's not my fault I cannot trust her one single bit. Considering she cheated on the "love of her life" of almost a few years with me. I didn't even know she was with this guy until I just kept getting weird actions and such from her I had to dig around for a couple months. Finally after tons of arguing and lots of lying to my face she caved in and told me everything.

I thought everything would be fine after that, but it's hard to trust someone who has cheated on someone, especially on someone that supposedly meant so much.

To top it off, she has so many guys that really like her, she says she shuts them down, but I don't believe it one bit as I have my proof.

Last night she was supposed to hang out with my friends and me for NYE and instead she went and hung out with her other group of guy friends for most of the day. Also mentioning she got off work around 10pm when her car wasn't at her work all day...

She comes over a few minutes past midnight and gets drunk with us. Tells us how she has work tomorrow (today) as well. Said she got off of work at 5pm.

However, she texted me a few times today and I know for a fact that she RARELY texts at work... I had to dig up answers. I drove to her workplace, not there, drove past her house, not there. I decided to check every other store chain that she sometimes gets transferred to for the day... Not there. One last pass made at her main workplace at 4:15 and for sure she wasn't there...

I can't handle this. I'm caving into an enormous pit of depression because I love her so freakin' much, but she keeps doing this to me. I can't find motivation or a single reason to just move on. I've pretty much given up, but I don't want to accept it. I don't want to say i'd rather be with her and just let her walk all over me and lie and lie and lie everyday.

I just can't find myself living without her... God, I love her so dang much. So much in common and so beautiful. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I really don't...

Friday, December 30, 2011

A fellow blogger said that I wasn't legit when he saw my last post (click here)...

I don't know what part of not being legit I was being put under, i'm going to assume the surveillance cams?

Thursday, December 29, 2011

So... I got in another argument with her. But this time I ended it. I think this time it's for good. But I find myself crying so hard, I don't want it to be real. She was perfect except for a couple flaws that I couldn't put up with... We had a future set out for each other and I still love her with all my heart.

I told her I will not go running back to her but I already feel as if I need to.

Watching her crying her tears out in her car for several minutes on my surveillance cameras had burning tears rolling down my face.

It's only been a couple hours since. I'm already feeling dead inside. My life was nothing without her. I might as well be dead.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Going to bed holding onto the love of my life tonight....

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Just woke up not too long ago... Did my rounds checking up on new blog posts and following my followers haha. I don't know what's goin down today... Probably more solo depression and just sitting around my room doing nothing. Kinda hungry, smells like bacon was cooked earlier.
Gah, my sleeping patterns have been so jacked up over the past week... 4:30 am and i'm still awake. I really should get to bed, can't stop Blogging and looking for new people to follow haha! Site is so addicting...! I shall be back tomorrow! I mean later today. o.o
The first post for my new blog. This blog will be random ramblings about my life. I don't quite understand a lot, I would say it's because of my age in the early 20s. Just don't know what is real and what is false.

Seems like a lot of people in this world are fake, really bothers me.

#Forever Alone.